Thai kids are amazing. Well, at least the upper-class Thai kids I work with. They are respectful, attentive, dilligent, and eager to learn. The effort I put in is exactly what comes back--teaching here is a good mirror for me and I'm learning a lot. I also have 2-3 monks that study conversational English with me an hour a day 5 days a week. Buddhist monks are among the coolest people on the planet, right up there with wilderness therapy field staff.
I've changed rooms in the concrete house I complained about in an old blog--the room away from the street with blue and green curtains is much more pleasant than the front room with yellow curtains. Though it matters little now as I'm mostly living at the temple Wat Tat Luang rather than the house. Vipassana sitting and walking meditation as much as I want. The temple is such a beautiful place to practice. The nuns are teaching me Thai and I'm teaching them English--we have "class" by pointing, gesturing, repeating, and exchanging a healthy dose of quizical expressions and near-random guesses while washing the breakfast and lunch dishes. After morning chanting and meditation (4AM-6AM...I get up at 3:30 nearly every day now), I'm learning Thai cooking by helping the nuns make breakfast. Leftovers are stored under a 3' diameter woven basket-dome thingy to keep flies away and that's what we eat for lunch, supplemented by extra alms brought over by the monks--one monk even gave some bananas and mangos especially for me! There is no dinner. Thai food has a tremendous amount of sugar, oil, and coconut milk...no wonder I love it! I also teach a little english class one hour per day during the week for a few monks that want to improve. It's so fun.
All the nuns like me and smile at me, though I think I make some of them uncomfortable since I don't yet speak much Thai and they don't speak much (or any) English...They were hesitant about me at first, but now that they’ve seen I’m ernestly interested and work very hard at meditation, and they know that I’m trying to learn Thai to communicate and I laugh easily, we are all having a great time together. Sometimes I feel like an exotic pet, especially when the head nun (whose head comes about up to the bottom of my deltoid...) takes me somewhere literally by the hand, or out for a walk around the temple grounds (which are quite large—8 nuns, 49 monks, and 200 novices (monks-in-training, under 18) live here. There is a 2-story school for the novices, a large temple where the buddha image is kept, a huge 3-story chanting hall I haven’t been in yet, and a crematorium, which is a bit creepy...), but it’s all in good spirits. The monk that teaches Vipassana Meditation does not speak much English, so he referred me to his friend at a temple in Chiang Mai. I am learning the Buddha’s teachings through the few English books the teacher has on hand and via cell phone for 20-45 minutes every morning.
Today, I basically got a job offer to assist in a phD research project combining organic farming and meditation for improving public health hollistically throughout Thailand. I need to get details, but I'm pretty stoked. Who knew I would find a job in my field half-way around the world!?!?
I did not think the temple stay or english teaching intentions I set for this trip would come to fruition, but here they are. :) I am so much more present with myself here than I was at home. My depression and sense of worthlessness/inadequacy is fading. I am finding direction in my life by following my heart and meditating here in Thailand, a journey inspired by my heart. To succeed in life, we must choose a path and walk it. When wandering aimlessly, we spend a lot of energy and don't get very far. There are many paths to the truth of the universe. Teachers can help a lot, but we must ultimately find our own way. Buddhist Dhamma (Buddha's teachings) says the ultimate purpose of life is to purify your mind--eliminate the defilements of negativity, clinging, aversion, and greed. Jesus said we should follow the golden rule and live compassionately. It seems to me these are both men that followed their hearts and found universal truth. That's what I want. Jesus and Buddha both got enlightened around 30 years old. I think the 20's are for wandering and seeking and learning. Internal clarity and direction get distilled by the process. Just start walking and your direction will become clear. At home, my tendency to feel lost, mis-guided and useless was much stronger. I often felt that way at the beginning of this trip, but decreasingly so lately. I want to stay...
It’s a bit strange that I’ve landed in Phitchit. It’s kindof a shit town, really. It’s not even close to my list of fabulous places to see in Thailand, let alone a place I would have chosen to root myself by any usual traveler’s criteria (beautiful scenery, interesting culture or history, particularly lovely people...), yet here I am. Learning exactly what I came here to learn (following my heart, speaking Thai, Thai cooking (some of the nuns are great cooks!), discipline, buddhist practices/meditations, temple culture, family home-stay), teaching what I know how to teach, and finding a little peace for my soul. Blessed be; this is the stuff dreams are made of. If anyone has any compelling reasons I should come home, speak up! I have 6 weeks to decide...
PS- sent this insight to a friend and thought I’d pass it on: One thing I have been working on for years is what "success" means (cuz I long ago rejected the Great Gatsby/American success model: a fancy car and a big house and nice clothes and smart children and a loving husband...chuck it all, I just want to see the world and know myself and reflect love wherever I go). The early 20s is also a time for breaking away from your parents' mold and stepping out as an adult--as your own person. This is kinda scary. Our feeling is that we must step out in the right form (like a butterfly--if it emerges from the cuccoon too early, it will be deformed, and who wants to be deformed??), so we wait, or take independence tentatively, step-by-step and look back to our parents for approval that we are going the right way at the right time. We still need guidance in our 20's and our parents are the ones we have always looked to, so we continue to look to them for approval. The reality of adulthood is finding new teachers and ultimately learning to look to ourselves for approval. Learning to know when our actions are "good" according to our own heart's judgement. Good luck.
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