Anger and Creating True Peace

I was reflecting today on why I felt so unhappy growing up. My mom tells me I was a very calm baby, but I don't remember much before about 4 years-old. I remember being quick to anger a lot when I was young--I remember my mom telling me what "good mad faces" I was making to make me laugh, which I did, but then I was frustrated because I was feeling anger but unable to express it. I believe my parents did the best they could with the skills they had at the time. It took me 25 years to find a guide in Utah, and this vipassana work, to develop skills to deal with Anger.

I strongly recommend Thich Nhat Hanh's book Creating True Peace--it should be required reading for all beings capable of reading! It's a very direct, simple guide to handling strong emotions in daily life and cultivating respect, compassion, and loving kindness in our hearts. In this life, I've had a lot of confusion around my strong emotions (and there are many); where they came from, and how to just be with them and let them go I think is the main source of my unhappiness. Since on a superficial level, external events often seem to trigger strong emotions, I got into the habit of criticizing my external environment as the cause of my suffering/emotions, and therefore I decided maybe there was a geographic "somewhere else" that would not trigger them so I could be happy. Thus the thought pattern "I don't want to be here anymore" evolved and started carving a groove into this mind. Being here meditating in Thailand has helped me see all this. Watching What the Bleep and The Secret and learning how the mind creates the external environment laid a good foundation for the meditation work I'm doing. What a powerful tool Vipassana is.

That's my best synopsis from this vantage point. As wisdom develops, perhaps more will unfold. For now, I am training myself to just keep doing what needs to be done in the present moment and let everything else go. It is a much simplier, happier way to live.