I'm doubting a lot of theravadan teachings. I believe total renunciation is one way out of suffering, but it takes a long time of practicing to really see the fruits. and I'm not sure there's a way back if I fully commit, and in case it's wrong, or wrong for me, I'm screwed for the rest of this life...
Rumi says this: Everyone has been assigned a stable and a trainer. You may think you are making choices, but really the trainer is leading you around by the nose.
I find comfort in this. No matter what I choose, God/Is/Kosmic Konsciousness/Kamma from good deeds will lead me forward in growth and beauty on the right path. If I pass up opportunities out of fear, New ones will arise when I am ready. But in my head, I struggle with this idea versus the idea of manifesting and having to ask for what I really want in this life. Then I struggle with the idea of asking for what I want out of ego impulses and fear versus letting go and letting God and praying only for his will in my life and the courage to carry that out...
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