Ordination

So I am officially a week into my experience as a Buddhist nun in Thailand. I have been amazed at the complexity of temple politics, the expense required to renounce the lay life, and the minimal time I have spent practicing since ordination! And I don't even have my non-immigrant visa to be sure I can stay, yet...already a can of worms. Well, practice has been a struggle the last few days--tons of anger, craving, greed, rage, heat, and physical/emotional suffering coming up. Thinking thinking thinking...doubting my decision to be here. Feeling totally supported by my teacher, but acutely aware that he is only mid-range on the monk-totem pole and therefore not always able to help me with the politics of getting what I need to stay here (referring to visa issues, especially).

I have some pix from my ordination ceremony, but my teacher is very busy and hasn't had time to burn them to CD for me. I'll get them posted ASAP so y'all can picture my bald-headed eyebrow-less white robed new "look." As a fine black-ish patina of fuzz comes in on my grey scalp and covers the brown part-tan, multiple moles I didn't know I had, and ridges and dents (mom, how often was I dropped on my head growing up??), I feel like a chia pet. It's kinda fun to play with...I wonder how long it will grow in a month?

Two weeks before leaving the states, I lost my taste for Thai food and became a bit worried that returning was the best choice. Especially as 3 people I hold very dear told me within the same week that I should consider my decision very carefully given the opportunities I have in the states right now and the fact that chasing happiness half-way around the world isn't going to work any better than chasing it around the states. My hope was to finish the meditation course I began, practice practice practice so hopefully some peace will come home with me, and possibly get trained to teach this technique. Trick is, it takes about 3 weeks of full time study to really learn. I still recommend SN Goenka's 10 day approach. It's not the way I practice right now, but I got great benefit from it and may return to try again when this process finishes.

Blessings and love to all! Thanks everyone for the notes of love and support! May all beings be well and happy!